25 Things The Spartan Warriors Didn’t Need To Get Fit And Prepare For War

King Leonidas - Spartan Warrior

The ancient Spartans didn’t have such valuable resources like smart phones, fitness trackers, or fancy exercise equipment. Nor did they have the scientific research on human anatomy, physiology, bio-mechanics, and performance enhancement that we do today. Or, the Internet, for that matter.

In fact, there were a lot of things the Spartans did not have that we do. And yet, the Spartans were some of the most physically capable and feared people in recorded history while we’re some of the least healthy, least fit, and least physically capable people in recorded history.

With that in mind, here are some things the Spartan warriors didn’t need to prepare for war.

  1. They didn’t need Bodybuilding.com, Fitocracy, or Reddit.
  2. They didn’t need Men’s Fitness, Shape Magazine, or Women’s Health Mag.
  3. They didn’t need Crossfit, P90X, or Zumba.
  4. They didn’t need Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, or Safeway.
  5. They didn’t need to eat low-carb, low-fat, low-sugar, etc.
  6. They didn’t need the perfect playlist to psyche themselves up for their workout.
  7. They didn’t need a TV in front of them to workout.
  8. They didn’t need to check in on Facebook and post selfies of their workouts.
  9. They didn’t need to listen to gurus, subscribe to newsletters, or check their blog readers daily.
  10. They didn’t need to count calories, measure portions, etc.
  11. They didn’t need to balance their macronutrients.
  12. They didn’t need Creatine, BCAA’s, or Glutamine supplements.
  13. They didn’t need pre or post-workout shakes.
  14. They didn’t need single digit bodyfat.
  15. They didn’t need cardio machines, Nautilus machines, pulley systems, etc.
  16. They didn’t need ab rockers, thigh masters, or shake weights.
  17. They didn’t need bulging biceps or six pack abs.
  18. They didn’t need minimalist footwear, trail runners, or motion-control shoes.
  19. They didn’t need compression tights, yoga pants, workout gloves, sweat bands, or ear buds.
  20. They didn’t need foam rollers or lacrosse balls.
  21. They didn’t need step-counters, GPS watches, or heart rate monitors.
  22. They didn’t need kettlebell swings, kipping pull-ups, or squat thrusters.
  23. They didn’t need HIT, HIIT, or the AMRAP protocol.
  24. They didn’t need gym chalk, rubber flooring, or air conditioning.
  25. And finally, they didn’t need to talk to their doctor to see if Cymbalta, Lipitor, or Cialis is right for them.

It’s true that we have more knowledge and resources at our fingertips than ever before. But we can still learn a lot from those who have come before us. And in this day and age, we need every bit of help we can get. Just food for thought.

Now, what would a Spartan Warrior think if they landed here in the USA today? And what if we took them to Planet Fitness?

Planet Fitness - Leonidas - Madness?

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P.P.S. Hat tip goes to Ross Enamait for inspiring this post with his often-witty remarks.

P.P.P.S. One last thing…caption this:

Leonidas at Planet Fitness

Photo credit: 1, 2, 3 (note: changes were made to 2nd and 3rd photo…obviously.).

4 Responses

  1. Darren Wurm

    Caption this:Spartan confidence – celebrating victory before the fight has even begun.

  2. they did however need a lot of what would today be considered girly stuff like perfume, manicures and hair products as they like to look nice to fight to the death.

  3. Haha nice list! Make modern age men look weak…

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