How to Actually Get a Cover-Model Body (in 15 Easy Steps!)

So, you want to look like a cover model, eh? Well, are we talking Men’s Fitness, Shape, or Flex Magazine? Because it’ll change my recommendations!

But regardless of what type of cover-model body you’re looking to build, you’re going to need to do a few things (a lot more than a few, actually).

Basically, if you want to look as good as those people wearing next to nothing in the checkout line, with that perfect fat to muscle ratio, the flat tummy or coveted six pack, the clear, clean, radiant skin that evokes health, vitality, and youthful exuberance. If you want it ALL…

Well, here’s your plan, kid:

1. Quit your job and become a professional model. You have a new job. And it’s called lookin’ good. So, you’re not going to have much time for anything else.
2. Forget about short-term solutions and quick fix strategies. You need a comprehensive, highly-regimented plan that is custom-tailored to your needs. This means you don’t have a life anymore.
3. And no more bacon. In fact, don’t eat anything except what’s on your diet, which is now extremely strict, by the way. You’ll need to avoid alcohol, sugar, caffeine, and fatty meats among many other naughty foods. I sure hope you like chicken breasts and broccoli because you’re going to be eating it 4-6 times per day.
4. Go to the gym for 1.5 to 2+ hours every single day and work very hard on a periodized body transformation program. Yeah, you’ll probably need a trainer…business expenses.
5. If you don’t live in a temperate area near a nudist colony, go to a tanning booth a few times a week to avoid those pesky tan lines. You don’t want those nasty white spots washing out the photos, after all.
6. Worship your skin. Start by cleansing and exfoliating every square inch. Then moisturize it multiple times a day. Use toner on key areas. And do this daily. Some other products may be necessary, too. Now, I don’t really know much about this stuff. So, do your research. Or, go to a salon where they put cucumbers and other food-like stuff on your face. They know what they’re doing.
7. Get rid of your body hair (ALL OF IT!), including peach fuzz (wax it). Once you’re a smooth as a dolphin, get on a regular body hair maintenance plan. Your photo editor will thank you.
8. Get as much sleep as you need (e.g. 8-10 hours of sleep every night). Sleep deprivation is going to wreak havoc on your adrenals, and that’s going to wreak havoc on your photos.
9. Diet down to your chosen amount of leanness. You might just hate life for awhile, but at least you’ll be skinny.
10. Drink water constantly – carry it with you always. And for added benefit, make sure it’s special water (e.g. ionized, from a natural spring, organic, zero-calories, gluten-free, etc.)
11. Get your team together. To look as good as possible, you’re going to need to a lot of help. Start by hiring a professional photographer, a makeup artist (yes, for men, too), a special effects artist, and go from there. And don’t forget: you get what you pay for!
12. Find a beautiful natural landscape that is devoid of people (e.g. beach, sandy beach, rocky beach, near a beach, etc.) or rent a studio for your photo op (yes, more business expenses. Hey, looking good is expensive!).
13. Dehydrate yourself prior to your photo shoot (consult your doctor first). Then apply more makeup and skin products to mask the dehydration.
14. Once you are ready for the photos, don’t touch anything – your hair, your face, your clothes (if you’re wearing them), anything! Just stand still and wait for directions. Trust your team!
15. Once you’ve been photographed, have your photo editor and a graphic designer touch up the best photos (you’ll have to get rid of like 99% of them) with special lighting effects, shadows, etc. And don’t forget to have them alter your physique’s proportions, if necessary. Then choose the best one. You can think of the final product as a more perfect you.

So, that should be enough to get you started.

In all seriousness, it’s very difficult to achieve what our media often considers a cover-worthy body, and I admire the tenacity and work ethic of those in the modeling business. Lord knows that’s the last thing I’d want to do, and I don’t think there are many positions for ugly dudes. So, I’d be out of luck anyway.

In the same breath, I want everyone reading this to know a few things, especially since there’s a lot of negativity going around lately.

• a beautiful physique is a natural byproduct of focusing on health-first fitness, but…
• your value isn’t at all dependent on or influenced by your appearance, and…
• beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so…
• you don’t need the media – or anyone else, for that matter – to determine whether or not you’re attractive.

And as hokey as it sounds, I overheard my kids watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood the other day. And like he used to say, “I like you just the way you are.”

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Health-First Fitness Coach

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Disclaimer: I have nothing against models. I just don’t like the idea that non-models (i.e. normal people) are expected to look like them.

Photo credit: 1.